Finding areas of disagreement is easy. We all have them. Have you ever tried to convince someone of the merits of your position and argued over it for hours, only to find that you both became more entrenched in your point-of-view?

Arguing over differences does not work. Not only that, it makes things worse!

What works is finding areas of agreement, things we have in common, building on that before we look at areas of difference. You can’t change a person’s mind on anything. Only they can do that.

Changing your mind is the only thing that matters. Any area that you want to transform requires a change, and usually, a change of mind is the only thing that sticks in the long term.

Next time you want to win someone over to your point of view, remember this Heineken Ad and start with areas you agree on. Since we are social animals, we relax and let the guards of our minds down when we relax over food or beverage. Then build bridges, not walls.

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